Wild Horses
by stokeslove
Summary: Snicker story...of course! Picks up two weeks after Burden of Proof. PostGD. P.S. When I say Burden of Proof, I mean MY story entitled Burden of Proof click on my name and look up my stories & not the show from Season 2.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI. I do not own the characters, etc., etc.

This is my thanks for all the awesome reviews for my last story! You guys are amazing! I've picked it up about two weeks after where Burden of Proof left off. Let me know what you think…

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****Prologue**

Approaching the house, her feet slowed automatically. She could hear the raised voices through the open windows of Nick's house. It wasn't difficult to identify the combatants. The pronounced southern drawl gave it away almost immediately.

Sara Sidle moved forward deliberately and entered the house without ringing the bell or knocking. After two weeks of checking on Nick, sleeping on his couch, and just generally hanging around in the time he'd been out of the hospital, Sara knew better than to knock.

Sara's sudden presence in the foyer of Nick's home did nothing to halt the barrage of loud voices and harsh words.

_A few moments earlier…_

"_Nicholas…I just cannot believe that you are doing this now—"_

"_Well, you don't have to believe it, Ma. You just have to go get on that plane and go back to Dallas."_

"_Now, Pancho, I thought we had this all settled. You'll come back to the ranch with us and get yourself together. Then you can decide what—"_

"_No. No. Huh uh." Nick stood with his hands on his hips, his eyes boring holes into his shoes. His quiet response, however, was firm. He cut off his fathers words with a gruff laugh._

"_Cisco, you all never even asked me. You told me. I was not part of this decision." Nick raised his eyes to meet his fathers. His voice never wavered, but his eyes shone with unshed tears. _

"_It seems like its been a helluva long time since I've been _allowed_ to make a decision for myself. Kidnapped—not my choice. Hospitals and doctors poking and prodding me at every turn. Not my decision. Being put on an indefinite leave of absence from my job was definitely not my fucking decision." Nick let out a deep breath. _

"_And it's not like I didn't know that you two both talked to Catherine about forcing me out. So don't try to deny it."_

"_Pancho, no one's trying to take anything away from you. Hell, that boss of yours put you back on graveyard with Grissom. We didn't object."_

_The Judge took a deep breath before continuing. He could see the tears shimmering in his youngest son's eyes. He softened, taking a step forward, and reached out his hand placing it on Nick's shoulder. Before continuing, the Judge forced Nick to look him in the eyes, "we just want to help and we don't think we can do it from here."_

_Nick looked his father squarely in the eye. Jaw set, eyes glimmering, Nick quietly and decisively said, "I am _not_ moving away from my home, from my friends."_

_Jillian Stokes just signed and wrapped her arms around herself. Nick may have inherited his emotions from her, but he certainly received a fair share of his father's bull-headedness. Recognizing the beginnings of an all-out show down, Jillian moved over to the dining room and pulled out a chair at the table, taking a seat. Getting involved now would not help the situation. It's like trying to break up two dogs fighting over a bone, all while trying to take the bone away from them, too._

_She silently sat and watched as Cisco and Pancho railed against one another. During what appeared to be the high point of the argument she saw the front door open and one of Nick's fellow CSIs enter. To say the least, Sara appeared stunned by the battle she saw raging before her. Both men were red in the face and were so enthralled by their vehement argument that neither noticed Sara's entrance. Jillian caught Sara's eye and nodded to her, shrugging her shoulders. She waived her over and nudged out another chair at the table._

"So what exactly do you think you're going to do, Pancho? Sit in this house everyday waiting to get cleared by the department psychologist so you can go back to a job that almost got you killed? I put up with it when you decided to become a cop…but damnit, Pancho—"

Seeing where this was going, Nick tried to cut him off. He'd heard this all before—how his father was so disappointed in him and his career choices. "I'm going to get _better_. Running away and hiding in Dallas isn't going to help. This job was always dangerous. And in case you've already forgotten, _Dad_, Gris and the team were the ones who saved me." Nick's eyes glimmered, but did not falter. Before his father could jump in again, Nick continued.

"The decision to go back to Dallas was yours. I understand that you can't stay. You both have obligations." He looked back and forth between his parents, barely registering that Sara had materialized at his kitchen table at some point in all this. "I appreciate everything you've done so far. I wish you could stay. But I can't leave. I can't run. It's too easy… it just won't work."

Both his parents' faces had softened. His mother was sad but understood what Nick was saying. His father just realized that he wasn't going to win this round. He just didn't want to argue anymore with the son he had almost lost.

Jillian broke the momentary silence. "We just hate leaving you here alone, Nick." She stood and walked to her youngest son. "Just because you're determined to face this and heal…doesn't mean it's going to be an easy path. I hate thinking you'll be all alone when we leave."

That's when Sara made her presence known. "He's not alone." The three Stokes turned to face Sara who spoke from her seat at Nick's table. She stood and moved towards Nick, placing a hand on his arm before she continued.

"I think it's safe to say that anyone and everyone at the lab would do anything to help Nick." She looked at Nick, squeezing his arm gently and giving him a reassuring smile. Nudging him gently in the side and meeting Nick eye to eye, she told him again the words she had said to him that first day in the hospital. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Sara, we know that you've been a good friend to Nick over the years. And we're forever indebted to you for finding him. It's just…"

"I think what my wife is trying to say is that we're worried about Nick being here, in the house, by himself all the time."

Looping her arm through Nick's, Sara met his father's worried eyes. "He won't be. I'll stay with him." Her sudden confidence faltered, and she turned to Nick. "Is that alright with you? I mean, would that be okay? I don't want to—"

Nick gave Sara a small smile and softly cut her off—"I'd appreciate that, Sar." He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her a little closer to him. Turning back to his parents, Nick gave them a questioning look. "Satisfied? I won't be alone."

Jillian still looked concerned. "Mom, I know that you're worried, especially since Sara is working nights—"

"You know, I actually have a lot of vacation time stored up. I don't think it would be a problem to get that approved." She smiled a genuine, gap toothed Sara Sidle smile at Nick's mom. "I promise. I'll take good care of him."

Nick smiled at Sara and then at his parents. Nick released Sara and stepped forward toward his parents. He took hold of his mother's hand and looked between them. "I'm going to be okay. I just need a little time…" Sara could see the tears fall softly over Nick's cheeks. "I promise."

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Thanks! As usual, read and reply! 


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own any of this. Just borrowing it for a moment to feed the imaginative & hopeful minds of snickers fanfiction readers.

Update: So, I started this story EONS ago… and I then life caught up to me. The back story is Burden of Proof.

**Chapter 1**

Nick closed the gate on Sara's Tahoe while balancing a rather heavy box on his knee. He secured his hold on the box and headed up to the front door of his house where Sara maneuvering through the front door with a large duffel bag.

Entering the house, Nick half-dropped the box onto the entry way floor.

"What in the hell do you have in here, Sar?"

"Only the essentials…" she trailed off as she headed down the hallway to Nick's spare bedroom. Nick gave the now empty hallway a quizzical look and turned his attention to the box sitting at his feet. Crouching down, Nick was starting to pull the box open when he felt a whack to the back of his head.

"Ouch!" Nick rubbed the back of his head. "What the heck was that for?"

"This is not for you."

"Yeah, well I carried it."

"Great, you get a gold star for the day." Nick guffawed. "Don't give me that Nicky. You have sisters. You know better." Sara just laughed as she walked away.

Nick decided to give Sara awhile to get settled in the guest bedroom. He opted to head outside to his deck. The initial attempt to turn his air conditioning off to have all the windows open so that he had constant access to fresh air had quickly faltered when the heat index hit 108 degrees on the second day of his experiment. Even though it was only chilled air, Nick just felt suffocated. The only time he didn't feel it was when he was outside.

Sara found Nick over an hour later sitting on the steps of his deck sipping a beer. He was staring out into his backyard lost in thought. Sara took a seat next to him. She didn't say anything initially, so they just sat quietly.

Finally, the silence was broken when Nick cleared his throat. "So, what did Gris say about taking your vacation time."

"Nothing actually." Sara settled against the deck post facing Nick and continued. "He said that I was entitled to some time off after having stored up all of those days for so long."

"Did you tell'em that you're staying here?" Sara just shook her head. She wasn't going to say anything to anyone unless Nick wanted her to. So far, he hadn't given her a green light. She wanted to help him, but she wasn't sure if he was actually feeling okay about having her baby-sit him. Not that she was actually _baby-sitting_ him.

"I'm sure they'll find out. Especially since I'll probably have to tell my _shrink_." He took a long swig of his beer.

"She's not that bad. She's just trying to help. Like we're _all_ trying to help."

Nick shook his head. "I know, I know… I just. I just hate that it's her freakin' report that's keeping me off work. Don't they get it? Keeping me home is not making me any saner. I'm alone…and." He just stopped suddenly and stood up. His back was to Sara. Dusk had fallen and the backyard was quickly disappearing into a dark abyss. "I just hate waiting. I hate not being the driver." Sara stared as his back for a moment before rising to stand next to him.

Moving next to him, Sara followed Nick's gaze out into the backyard. "Well, then I guess it's a good thing that you'll have me to boss around." She turned to look at him with a smirk. He met her gaze and chuckled. Nick reached his arm around Sara's shoulders. Pulling her in, he just nodded, smirked again and said, "God knows that I'm the clean one…who knows what you'll do to my house." He felt the hit coming so he squeezed her shoulder tighter trying to stop the movement of her arm and keep her fist away from his stomach.

"Uhuh…sure…now, I know why you agreed to this. And to think, I brought over that whole huge box of movies and video games and…"

"What!"

Sara managed to get away from Nick and run into the house with Nick chasing her.

MORE SOON! Read and review please!


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Don't own any of this. Just borrowing it for a moment to feed the imaginative & hopeful minds of snickers fanfiction readers.

Update: I'm back again to update. I'm not even sure if anyone is still reading this… Geez, I hope so. Life is what happens when you're busy making plans, or so they say. Anywho, back story is Burden of Proof. Enjoy!

**Chapter 2**

On the very first morning of living in Nick's house, Sara got a very rude awakening. Granted, it was almost two o'clock in the afternoon, but she was still on graveyard time. Nick had clearly already adjusted to a "normal" schedule.

Stumbling bleary eyed out of Nick's spare bedroom, she followed the ruckus to the patio doors where, glancing through the screen, she found Nick making repairs to his deck. Hammering. Singing. And more hammering. He didn't have that bad of a voice. It was kind of nice, she thought, as he sang into his hammer while placing a nail. She shook her head, rolled her eyes, and headed toward the kitchen in search of coffee.

As she was starting a fresh pot of coffee, a sweaty Nick appeared through the doors.

"G'mornin' sunshine." He said with a big grin.

She "harrumphed" with emphasis and returned to her task, opening the refrigerator door to retrieve the creamer.

"Coffee before talking." He laughed lightly and pulled the door open further to grab a bottle of water.

"God, Nicky, you stink." The smell made her eyes open a little wider and she suddenly realized that her new roommate was stripping off his shirt and wandering into his living room in just a pair of low-slung athletic shorts. "Sorry, Sar" he called from the other room. "It's hot out, couldn't be helped."

Setting down her cup of coffee, she leaned against the counter to thumb through the days paper. She may not have brought her scanner to Nick's, but she could still keep up with current events.

Sara's XXXL t-shirt that had been turned into pajamas had creeped up every so slightly and Nick couldn't help but check out her ass. He'd done it before. He just hadn't had quite this nice an opportunity. He shook the thought out of his head. Thoughts like that are those of "healthy" and "normal" men. But his shrink would probably tell him that he was rushing himself into a false sense of normalcy. Ugh. Nothing like dragging out the pain and suffering.

Suddenly, Nick was overcome with a mischievous feeling. The smell returned and suddenly Sara was enveloped in a wet, odorous, disgusting Stokes hug.

"UGhhh Nick…seriously. Gross… let me go." She whined trying to get out of his grip.

Laughing, and squeezing tighter, "No, Sar, it's okay, I know you just really wanted a good morning hug. …I could sense it."

Letting her go, he stepped back and watched as Sara turned around to face him with her arms hanging out at her sides and a fiercely disgusted look on her face.

"Oh, Nicky, I do love a good morning hug." She stepped forward putting one hand on her hip and bringing her other hand up to poke him in the chest for emphasis as she said, "but you'll pay for this later."

He tried his best to keep the 'I'm-so-pleased-with-myself' smirk off his face, but lost it when Sara started to laugh.

"I can't believe that you sing _Foreigner_ into hammers What have you got up next, Journey?"

"Sure, Sar, make fun, but soon, you'll be singing right along." And as if on cue, Nick's iPod speakers emitted the first few notes of what Sara knew to be every frat boys swan song.

She just gestured toward the speakers and pursed her lips to prove her point. Nick just ignored her and started singing as he headed back outside…

"_Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world…she took the midnight train going anywhere…" _and he turned around singing into his clenched fist as Sara laughed and headed up to cleanse herself of Nick's sweat.

By the time Sara had gotten out of the shower and was clean, Nick was rearranging the furniture on his deck and cleaning up the tools he had strewn about in his morning task.

Walking outside carrying a fresh bottle of water, she handed it off to him and smiled. "All finished?"

"Yup. 'Bout time, too, since Warrick and I finished most of the heavy-duty work months ago."

"Didn't Greg help you with that?"

"Uh, you could call it help. I guess." Garnering a gap-toothed smile. He explained. "Sar, he's a bright boy, but not the handiest guy on earth. I mean, come on, you've seen how much time he spends on his hair."

"Oh, the pot calls the kettle black…"

"I will have you know that it only takes me 15 minutes to get ready." Sara crosses her arms and narrows her eyes a little. "And I look this good every time…" Classic Nick.

"Okay, well prove it. It's my first day off. Let's do something fun and unrelated to all things work. Starting with you showering."

"Oh, you joining me, Sar?" He waggled his eyebrows at her. "That'd be fun."

"Yeah, but I said _unrelated _to work." She winked at him and headed inside, calling back, "go get cleaned up while your favorite roommate makes you a fabulous lunch."

He smiled the smile she'd dreamt about for weeks. "On it boss." And he disappeared upstairs.

Meteorologists were quacks. No better than palm readers or the chiropractors.

By the time Nick had emerged from the shower, gotten dressed, and trotted downstairs, the first rumblings of thunder could be heard from the fast approaching dark clouds outside.

Sara was busy setting out the sandwiches she had made and filling up glasses with freshly brewed iced-tea. She frowned when she saw Nick.

"Stupid weather." She said as she walked the plates over to the coffee table.

"Did'ya have something in mind for today?" Nick raised his eyebrows.

Sara gave him the most earnest frown she could muster. "Putt-Putt." She said with a sigh.

Nick gave her a pitiful look and put his hand on her shoulder. "That would've been fun. We'll go another day. Today we can just go through my movie collection, eat lots of junk food, and stay up late. "

She laughed, "oh, so like a junior high sleepover."

He waggled his eyebrows.

"Eat your lunch, Nicholas."

Hours later, the two had fallen asleep while watching _Walk the Line_, despite Nick's protestations that it was his favorite movie. At least the favorite that didn't have guns or bombs or a gratuitous boob shot. Suddenly, Sara was startled awake by Nick's voice. It wasn't his voice that startled her…it was his tone. Frightened. Weak. With shaking voice and inadvertent twitches, Nick was fighting something in his sleep at the other end of the couch.

Climbing to the floor and crawling to his end, she gingerly placed her hands on either side of his face and as calmly as she could, she spoke his name.

"Nicky… shhhh….Nicky it's okay. Just wake up." He thrashed a bit more and she felt hot tears on her hands still on his face. She moved to sit on the edge of the couch.

Speaking just above a whisper, she leaned to him taking his hand in her right hand and began to stroke his hair gently with her left. "Nick, sweetie, it's okay. I'm here. Wake up." She could feel the sting in her own eyes.

"It's just a nightmare…"

And then his eyes shot open and looked wildly around until he found focus in Sara's dark orbs.

He gasped for breath and squeezed her hand. Closing his eyes tightly, he brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Sara leaned up to give him some more space. She blinked the newly forming tears from her eyes, took a deep breath, and squeezed his hand."

She could see his chin wrinkled up and watched as he took a ragged breath. Reaching up to wipe the tears from his cheeks, she took his other hand away from his eyes. A moment later he opened his dark brown eyes, darker from vulnerability, and whispered a 'thank you' to her.

She gave him a knowing look, leaned down, and kissed him on the forehead. Retreating ever so slightly, she looked him straight in the eye. "You don't have to hide from me. I already told you, I'm not going anywhere."

He gave her a small, quick smile, before he felt more tears threatening to fall. Looking at the ceiling and then finally back to Sara, he nodded awkwardly and let out a slow breath.

"Are you having them a lot?"

He nodded. "The doc gave me some pills…I don't want to take them…I just…"

"You don't have to explain… It's okay." She put her hand gingerly on his chest. "I don't like medicine either." She smiled.

"You're the only medicine I need." He said pointedly. She saw some errant tears in his eyes.

She smiled, "and you, my sweet Nicky, are going to watch a chick flick with me." She winked. And he groaned grabbing for the pillow under his head. She heard a muffled "noooooooo" under the pillow.

"Don't worry, I'm getting beers now."

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I'm overly critical about my writing and I'm not super pleased with this chapter, but I have future ideas. Needed to get this moving again.

If you like it, let me know )


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI. I do not own the characters, etc., etc.

Thank you for all of the reviews… and the messages and being added to story alerts… could make a girl blush. Here's some more for you. Enjoy!

7/13/07: noticed some MAJOR typos...and a couple of other annoying things I had to fix...

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**Chapter 3**

He wasn't sleeping. He was barely eating. He was, however, putting on the best mask she'd seen in recent years. One so good, in fact, that the very people trained to make the most minute and deatiled observations… _missed_ it. Completely.

Evanescent. A glimmer. A momentary flash in his eyes. If you weren't watching for it, you'd never see it. In a blink, the curtain is swiftly pulled together and any semblance of vulnerability has disappeared behind the veil. As if it never existed.

After a week at Chez Stokes, Sara had caught a number of these sudden flashes in Nick's eyes. He knew she saw it...the fear, the doubt, the panic. He successfully avoided any situation where there may be a confrontation about what was happening in his mind. He joked or changed the subject or started a new task. Conversation was clearly the last thing that he wanted to result from those moments. Lucky for him, Sara didn't want to press. Instead, she left Nick to better his cloaking abilities.

But Sara was afraid for him. No sleep, no food—which was just _odd_ for Nick, and the pressure of desperately wanting to return to work, to a sense of normalcy, but being denied at each and _every _turn…the heady brew was reaching it's boiling point. It was only a matter of time.

Sara was sitting in Nick's well worn armchair--subtly, or so she thought--observing him from afar all while pretending to work the NY Times crossword. Nick was standing in his kitchen chopping vegetables for a meal he'd later pick at and justify as being a "labor of love" for his new roomie.

Without looking away from the chopping block, she hears him say,"quit yur starin' Sidle." A small smile betrays her when she hears the heaviness of his accent. He was tired. She didn't need to be an investigator to figure that out.

"I'm not allowed to enjoy the view from the best recliner in Vegas?" She winked at him as he looked up. He rolled his eyes and turned to dump the peppers he'd been chopping into the pan. She heard the sizzle begin a moment later.

Giving up her puzzle, she abandoned the chair for the comfort of the bar stools at Nick's counter. She'd already tried to help or offered to pay at almost every meal they'd had together over the last seven days and each time she was met with a bull-headed answer. So much for her taking care of him.

Considering what she was contemplating, she decided to pick her battles and save up some good karma for later.

Hands holding up her chin, she watched as Nick stirred the vegetables in the pan while simultaneously warming a stack of tortillas and checking on the grilled chicken in the foreman grill. He was being quite successful in keeping his back to her.

"Smells great…"

"Thanks," he threw over his shoulder as he wiped his hands on a dishrag and turned to retrieve plates from the cabinet.

She stood and took the plates from him to set the table. They'd been eating in his family room in front of the tv. Not tonight. He didn't need another excuse to crawl futher inside himself.

Nick was dishing everything onto serving platters when Sara went up behind him and hugged him from behind. She felt him release a breath, set down the spoon he was holding, and cover her hands on his chest with her own. As she leaned her cheek against the middle of his back, she felt his head lean back lightly to rest on her own. He smelled of onions and peppers and that mysterious, and wonderful, aftershave that she never noticed until they were mere inches apart.

Sara had never been all that _physical_ with Nick. They had always joked, flirted, high-fived, given each other little hugs…but nothing like this. The recent closeness was a result of not just proximity, but necessity. Her voice and her arms had become a source of comfort when the darkness crept too close. She knew it would appear more than "friendly" to others, but for them…it was what it was.

They stood like that for a few minutes before Sara loosened her hold on him. He cleared his throat and turned slightly to face her. Cocking his head slightly, Nick gave Sara a little smirk.

"My lady, yur dinner's gettin' luke warm." He smiled.

"I'm sorry… I just could sense that you _really, really _wanted a hug." She smiled back at him and stepped back grabbing some of the plates to take to the kitchen table. She heard the familiar Stokes chuckle behind her back as she walked away from him.

Settling down to enjoy dinner the two didn't speak much until they'd filled their plates with rice and fajitas. Nick engaged in some story about his older brother daring him to eat hot peppers that his mother always served when she made fajitas at the ranch. Sara could see Nick reveling in the good memory. She laughed and almost lost a mouth full of rice when Nick made a face to end his story…to indicate his level of discomfort when he discovered that water only made the sting of the peppers that much worse.

She smiled and just shook her head at him. "I was the youngest and I never got it that bad."

"Yeah, well, Tim had a lot of experience picking on people by the time I came around. Second nature for him by that point I s'pose."

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Dinner finished quietly with some small talk about the team and plans for the weekend. Sara cleaned up the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher while Nick nursed his glass of iced tea and sat on the edge of the counter. Sara turned and leaned against the sink.

"I know that I've been here for a week already…" Nick looked up to meet her eyes. "I just want you to know that if you want me to go…or if you…just, you know, …I don't want to crowd you." Sara was boring holes into the tiles of Nick's kitchen floor. Her jaw was set. Her fingers were nervously tapping the edge of the counter.

Nick hopped off the counter and moved to stand in front of Sara. He placed his hands on her arms. "Sar, you're not crowding me." He caught her eyes and drew her gaze upward. "I promise."

She let out a deep breath, and then felt words tumbling out of her mouth. Everything she had wanted to say but didn't think she'd actually say…had suddenly become the elephant in the room. The gigantic, smelly, offensive elephant that was charging toward a very dangerous outcome.

She was worried about him. She doesn't want him to feel rushed and pressured to have things get back to normal, but she has to say it. He's hiding his feelings and what is really going on with him from her. They're friends. They've been friends for years. She won't judge. Let her comfort him or help him or do what it is that he needs from her…she's not sure what it is, but she knows that she's in this 'til the end. And she feels selfish. God, she feels so selfish for even saying anything because he should just be allowed to heal however he wants, but…she's just still so worried and she can't stop herself from vomiting all these thoughts onto him and …she can feel his eyes on her. Waiting for her.

Her eyes have been closed throughout most of the rant, but she can feel Nick's warm, reassuring hands on her arms. And his thumbs are making little swirley's on her biceps.

"Tell me to leave, tell me to fuck off, just please don't shut me out." And she opens her eyes and sees tears in Nick's. He steps forward to embrace her. Whispering in her ear, "You caught me...please don't leave."

She gives a stifled laugh through warm tears. His hands are rubbing her back gently and she is desperately fighting to keep the tears from turning into sobs. When he steps back from her, he takes her hands in his and holds them to his chest. He looks her straight in the eye and she can see the tears teetering on the edge of his lids. His voice remains a hoarse whisper.

"I just want it to go away… and I'm _pissed _that I can't make it." He pauses and takes a deep breath. She notices his jaw clenches, and he goes on, "I'm so damn angry because I don't know if this is something you get past.

"The shrink tells me I'm hidin' it all because I don't want to acknowledge that it's true. …that this is my life." He swallows thickly as an errant tear traces his jawline.

"I don't want this to be my life, Sar." And with that the tears overwhelm him and he allows her to envelop him in a hug.

"Then we won't let it."

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Kinda short. I think. Probably be a couple of weeks until I can write again. I'm moving. UGH. Hope you enjoy! 


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